god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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