she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
