I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
