he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
