take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
