What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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