What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
