I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
