Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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