ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's blow job season.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
