listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize