i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
