I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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