I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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