Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
