HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
