Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The Olympian is in my bed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
