I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
