Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
