Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
