and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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