um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
