You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
