I faked an abortion last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
