Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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