tell your sister to shave her snatch
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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