so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
