Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize