on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
