ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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