sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
