It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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