do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
