i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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