happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
