Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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