It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
