did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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