its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
