I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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