Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
