DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
