I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
