I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
