Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
