remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
