I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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