No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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