I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
