People in love make me want to vomit
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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