I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
