her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
