I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
