She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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