I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
