it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
