He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
