I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
