And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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