I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
