Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
