bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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