Don't you send me to vm
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
