I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
