SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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