So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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