Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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