i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
