She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
