Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
