What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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