I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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