Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
