Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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